I Was Sleeping

Sorry for the temporary blog absence.  But I’ve been deep sleeping.  Doctor’s orders.  I visited The Dr. Oz Show and discovered I was all messed up on my sleeping habits.

Dr. Oz is going out of his way to convince those that dare to listen that “a full night of sleep is good medicine” and that “getting healthier can happen overnight”.  He insists that the quickest path to feeling good is to “make sleep a priority”.

So I did follow the doctor’s orders.  I did make sleep a priority.  Which cancelled out some extra curricular activities.  Which means I didn’t have enough awake time in my day to:

  • write a blog
  • clean out the litter box
  • take a moonlight jog
  • hard boil an egg
  • polish my shoes
  • read the morning newspaper
  • watch the nightly news
  • send a get well card
  • play glow-in-the-dark golf
  • shop for a tropical plant
  • pack a healthy lunch
  • lather, rinse, repeat
  • cut out coupons
  • be first in line when the YMCA opens
  • neatly fold my underwear
  • buy a lottery ticket
  • smile at a stranger
  • wash the car
  • pedal a bicycle
  • weigh myself
  • start a long list of things to do

All that sleeping seemed to create way more stress than it was supposed to alleviate.  So many opportunities missed just to capture a few extra snores.  Example:  As I cuddled beneath a Green Bay Packers cozy blanket I nearly fell asleep before the Patriots-Giants Super Bowl game even started.  Sleep craves more sleep.  Imagine how my psyche would have been stained if I had missed Madonna’s hot half-time show.  Now that was stress releasing!

And blog energizing … happy to return to the writer’s life of waking up early and staying up late.  Best half-time medicine show ever.  Now I’m way wide awake!  Thanks M!  Y-O-U!


Did I Cause Hostess Brands To Declare Bankruptcy?

Dear Hostess Brands,

I sincerely apologize.  I heard about your recent bankruptcy declaration.  How sad.  I didn’t mean to cause you that much harm.  But I can see that I may have mortally wounded your business plan.  Your bean counters were surely counting on me to continue eating volumes of your famous beans.

Your TWINKIES.  Your SNO BALLS.  Your HOHOS.  Your DONETTES.  Your CUP CAKES.  Your SUZY Q’S.  Your MINI MUFFINS.  Your ZINGERS.  Your FRUIT PIES.  Your DING DONGS.

It’s your DING DONGS that I miss the most.  When I chose to stop snacking on Hostess Brands products to help reduce some unnecessary calorie intake, it was the absence of the magical DING DONGS in my miserable dieting life that made me weep in my deep sleep.  I’ll never forget that naughty night I decided to eat a whole box of DING DONGS in one sitting.  With a fresh gallon of cold skim milk as a witness, I carefully devoured one dozen individually wrapped beauties.  I was cream filled chocolate cake coated inside and out from twitching eyebrows to swollen ankles.  Ecstasy.  368 calories and 19.4 grams of fat per DING DONG.  That’s 4,416 calories and 232.8 grams of fat per box of DING DONGS.  That’s disgusting.  But so delicious, that the slightest recall of that gorge-a-thon has me drooling puddles of tinsel foil wrapping.

Those grinning bean counters were probably counting on me to be slamming down boxes of DING DONGS at a consistent rate.  But instead, imagine what happens when a whole bunch of baby boomers (like me) suffer a health attack and suddenly decide to stop shopping for Hostess Brands sweets for pleasuring themselves and their kids.  Disbelief!  Panic!  Bankruptcy!  Fired bean counters!

I can hear smirking wellness practitioners everywhere saying, “Class, time for a pop quiz. Open your nutritional textbooks to Chapter 11.”

Eat Less, Exercise More, Lose Weight, Gain It Back

Did you read the cover story in the Jan 1st 2012 New York Times Magazine?

(link to story)

“The Fat Trap” by Tara Parker-Pope

“Science is uncovering a painful truth about obesity – that in the battle to lose weight, and keep it off, our bodies are fighting against us.”

Quite the buzz article.  Excellent reading.  Perfectly depressing.  Here’s my take on it.  No more belly dancing to the sing-song phrase

Eat Less
Exercise More
Lose Weight

The gospel chorus no longer sings the truth, having scientifically morphed into

Eat Less
Exercise More
Lose Weight
Gain it all Back

But still not satisfied with that torment.  Adding another out of tune unhappy ending

Eat Less
Exercise More
Lose Weight
Gain it all Back
Add a Few Extra Pounds

What’s a big-boned body to do if fighting back with extra exercises and fewer calories still doesn’t cut it?

Eat Less and Less
Exercise More and More
Lose Weight

Gain it all Back
Maintain

Simple.  Maintain those lost pounds with three daily attempts to eat less and three daily attempts to exercise more.  Or four.  Or five.

Eat Less and Less and Less and Etc Etc Etc
Exercise More and More and More and Etc Etc Etc
Lose a Little More Weight
Gain a Little Less Back

Maintain

Lace ‘em up!  Skip dinner and hit the gym again.  Now you are superhuman!

Much To My Surprise, There’s No Plank In Planking

At a dinner party the other night, the conversation competitively turned to yoga planking.  A new topic for me.  And I did a nice job of totally embarrassing myself with it.  I misunderstood the primary discussion point.  I thought folks were talking about replacing their comfortable rectangular elongated yoga mats with a painful rectangular elongated yoga plank.  As in from foam rubber to hard wood.  All in the search for achieving true wellness.  And I was having trouble finding any yoga workout value in the awkward conversion to a heavy, lengthy piece of wood with a non-cushion surface playing the critical role of a supportive exercise prop.  And obviously, the biggest impediment of all to overcome … completely impossible to roll up a plank air tight and carry it with a flirtatious swag under an armpit into your favorite sweaty exercise area:

I finally recovered from my confusing conversation by frantically researching “planking” on Google.  So much to digest about planking.  I had no idea.  But now I’m ready to share my new knowledge with the world, assuming (hoping?) that I’m not the last one on the planet who needs to finally get up to speed on planking.

But fist, let’s congratulate Paul Drinan, 68, world record holder for the abdominal planking position:


May 11, 2011.  (source:  The Courier-Mail)  With his abs of steel twitching, sweat dripping and his face grimacing with pain, Mr. Drinan spent 33 minutes and 40 seconds in an “abdominal plank” position to smash the record set last year by almost 14 minutes.  Mr. Drinan was cheered on by fellow gym members as he pushed through the pain barrier to etch his name in the Guinness Book of World Records.

“It’s really, really hard,” he said.

“There’s a lot of back effort, a lot of stomach, a lot of shoulders (and) arms … you have to have them all together. One weak link and you don’t get past five minutes.”

Mr. Drinan works out for three hours a day, six days a week.  He attributes his youthful physique to plenty of training and a healthy diet – “plus I don’t drink or smoke any more”.

The ultimate planking experience?  Why, planking outdoors on a plank deck, of course.  How to do this yoga pose:

  • Begin in Downward Facing Dog position. Shift your weight forward so that your shoulders are over your wrists.
  • One at a time, lower your forearms to the floor with your palms facing down. Place your elbows where your hands were, and spread your fingers wide. You want your body to be in one straight line, with your heels over your toes.
  • It’s very important to engage your abs here, so draw your belly button toward your spine. Keep the muscles in your tush relaxed, draw your shoulders away from your ears, and gaze between your hands.
  • Hold like this for five complete breaths. Then come back onto your hands and press back into Downward Facing Dog.

Ummm … draw your belly button toward your spine?  Sorry.  Most interesting concept.  But a bit out of my flexibility league.  No way.  This amateur Downward Facing Dog has zero control over his belly button.  Wish I did.  But gravity wins this battle every time.  My belly button and spine are very distant cousins.  I’ll need to modify those instructions to read, “Keep your belly button from touching the floor.”

Nope.  I’ll never ever be able to beat Mr. Drinan.  He’s so in control of his belly button.  Can’t you just tell?

But there’s still a chance for my fifteen minutes of plank fame.  Maybe if I re-strategize and choose to enter the team planking competition, instead.  I might be persuaded to train hard every day for a team effort to pursue breaking a plank.  Not a piece of wood.  Breaking the world three-person team planking record.  Any takers?

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Each “98.5 laps” blog entry also features
wellness success stories and key resources
located throughout Waukesha County and southeast Wisconsin:

* * *

Copper Tree Wellness Studio

“The body is a beautiful thing, express it, love it, connect with it.”

Our wellness studio offers a variety of classes. Diverse selection of styles and practices is meant to help one to discover what works best for him/her. Listening to yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, some days you may feel like an easy hatha yoga class, other days a challenging power yoga or Pilates class. Maybe you are recovering from a back injury and Pilates, intro to yoga, tai chi or Nia may be a perfect. All of our classes here are meant to help one to express him or her self in a nurturing and self-fulfilling way; from Yoga to Tae Kwon Do and all of our dedicated instructors are here to help and move you back to health and peace with yourself. In yoga we talk about re-grounding yourself with the earth again taking off your shoes and feeling the earth beneath your feet; when you reconnect you begin that quest of enjoying all the waves of life and the ability to handle what ever flows your way.

All of your instructors are have a growing heartfelt knowledge in the practice they not only teach but live and believe in too. The wonderful thing about Copper Tree Wellness Studio is that all of its very diverse instructors can come together under on roof and promote the same thing, wellness, helping people back to health, happiness and to find the joy in life again. Every style and practice offered here is adaptable for all ages, sizes, and abilities. Practices like the ones offered at Copper Tree, aren’t just for those who are “physically fit” we encourage the physically fit to continue down the road of wellness but to not forget that wellness is three-fold, body, mind and spirit and when you acknowledge that any activity or practice becomes more than just a physical exercise. You will find that all of your instructors will help you to feel safe and at the same time help you to go beyond what you ever thought your being was capable of.

All of our yoga instructors are registered and certified through the Yoga Alliance
and continue to teach following the quality standards promoted by the Yoga Alliance. From these standards of quality Copper Tree Wellness Studio has created a foundation for all of it’s instructors to teach by, in order to continue to offer quality, safe and effective classes to the community and surrounding areas.

Copper Tree Information
Om & lotus flower.jpg
Studio Phone: 262-670-6688

Studio E-Mail:
 Click to E-Mail the Studio

Studio Address:
 1364 E. Sumner Street, Hartford, WI 53027
(Copper Tree Wellness Studio is conveniently located directly off Hwy 60, next to Walgreens, in the building behind Wireless Concepts and Elite Nail & Spa)

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Thanks for visiting …

The next blog post will return on Saturday 1/7/12

My size?

Looking for that last-minute christmas gift for yours truly?  Dear Santa, I really need some new threads.  My size?   That’s a tough one to answer.  I always seem to somehow be in-between sizes to confidently offer a recommendation.  Gaining and losing weight at a roller coaster pace does that to a person.

I’m definitely NOT a Size Zero (o).
Or a size Double Zero (00).

I’m not skeletal.  Confident about that.  Trust me, my chest-stomach-hips don’t measure out 30-22-32 inches to 33-25-35 inches.  Not sure they ever have.  Not even at birth.  I don’t remember anyone buying this newborn Size Zero onesies, pajamas, socks, hats, bibs or mittens when I popped into the dizzying world of warm, fashionable baby clothes.

And I’m definitely NOT a Size 10XL (XXXXXXXXXXL)

I’m not giganotosaurus.  Both of my bottom cheeks can fit snugly but comfortably into one airline passenger seat, not two or three.  If it ever got to the point that my bulging butt couldn’t fit into my desired mode of mass transportation, I’d ponder renting a 26-foot U-Haul truck with enough cargo space for four rooms of furniture and hire a trusty, skinny driver to move my fat ass from here to there and back again.  Bags ride free.

Free Clipart Picture of a Christmas Present Wrapped in Foil Paper with a Bow

Any clothing sizes between Zero and 10XL should work just fine.  No need to get me a gift receipt.  If it’s too small, it will serve as a nice incentive to lose a few additional pounds and squeeze into it someday soon.  If it’s too large, no big deal.  I’ll layer it over some ugly shirts and sweaters still hanging around in my closet.

Just buy it.  Wrap it.

I’ll happily rip it open and wear it.

And say that it fits me perfect.

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Each “98.5 laps” blog entry also features
wellness success stories and key resources
located throughout Waukesha County and southeast Wisconsin:

* * *

Christmas Clearing Council of Waukesha County

Many Families In Need … Many Ways To Help

PO Box 34
Waukesha, WI  53187-0034

262-549-NOEL (6635)

Christmas Clearing Council helps children in need at Christmas

The Christmas Clearing Council of Waukesha County (CCC) promotes and coordinates giving to families in need during the Christmas season. We provide a clearinghouse that matches these families with area groups, families, businesses, and individuals who wish to help people less fortunate on a person-to-person basis. In 2010 we coordinated giving to more than 4,500 children in 1,900 families in Waukesha County.

CCC Celebrates More Than 60 years of Christmas Giving

In 1949, radio station WAUX began the Empty Stocking Club, an organization that collected money, clothes and toys for distribution through the City Welfare Office to needy families during the Christmas season. By 1955, with more than 81 families receiving help, the Waukesha Service Club and Jaycettes, working with the Health and Welfare Section of Waukesha County Council of Social Agencies, managed this program. Within a few years, it was operated as an independent organization, now called Christmas Clearing Council of Waukesha County. Christmas Clearing Council was officially incorporated and chartered as a non-profit, 501(c)(3) organization in 1979.

CCC’s giving program relies on hundreds of community volunteers

Families in need are referred to the Christmas Clearing Council by a number of agencies who qualify families based on income, residence and placement. The Christmas giving program includes sponsorship, a Toy Shop and gift certificates mailed directly to older children, ages 12-18. The sponsorship program matches a needy family with an individual, family or organization that wishes to help them on a one-to-one basis. Sponsors are asked to provide each eligible child with the value of about $60 in gifts that reflect the child’s needs and wants. Sponsors deliver the gifts directly to the family. Families who are not sponsored are invited to a Toy Shop held the Saturday before Christmas, where they are able to select new toys and gifts for their children. These toys and other items are donated by the community through local toy drives or at public toy collection sites organized by CCC at more than 70 local businesses and fire stations. Older children receive gift certificates.

All of this is accomplished with the help of hundreds of community volunteers, three part-time staff members, a volunteer board of directors and many generous donors throughout the county. Staff and board members, with volunteer help, coordinate mailings and appeals, activities and projects, collect, enter and match applications from families and sponsors, and organize and operate the Toy Shop. CCC also purchases new bikes (at cost) and books to supplement donated toys at our annual Toy Shop.

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Thanks for visiting …

The next blog post will return on Wednesday 12/28

On The Rocks For The Holidays

They said to make ourselves at home.

OK.  

I’m thirsty.

Let’s take a sneak peek into the Christmas Party host’s freezer:

File:Ice cube tray.jpg

Oh my … how boring!  

GAAACK!

How disgusting!

Trashy!

It’s suppose to be a Holiday Party!

Not Santa’s funeral!

Uncap some food coloring!

Gash some garnish!

It’s the surprise in the ice that makes the holiday spirits shine!

Cube kaleidoscope!

Fruits and flowers!

And flowing flavors as they melt!

Get the point?  Then get buckets of paint!

Let’s color some holiday rocks!

Now we’re rocking those ice-cube trays!

Happy Holidays!

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Each “98.5 laps” blog entry also features
wellness success stories and key resources
located throughout Waukesha County and southeast Wisconsin:

* * *

Water Doctors

Your Complete Water Specialists

Headquartered in Waukesha, Wisconsin, Water Doctors has been satisfying customers since 1982 by installing and servicing water softeners, water filters, RO drinking water systems and specialty water treatment systems that solve a variety of water problems. We service all makes and models. If you’re located anywhere in Southeast Wisconsin, we’re here to help you!

soft towels
Make clear ice cubes and enjoy great-tasting tea, coffee and beverages.
dog with water bowl
Your pets deserve quality water too.
smiling kid with glass of water
Protect your family and the environment.
woman drinking glass of water
Drink healthy, chemical-free water from Kinetico.

 Put us to the Test—for FREE!

At Water Doctors, we’ve found the best way to promote our products is to let homeowners try our system with a no cost risk-free trial. Experience the benefits of treated water before you buy. See for yourself how much money you can save by using a quarter of the soaps and cleaning products you are using now and by eliminating the need for bottled water.  At the end of the trial you can purchase or rent the system…or have us remove it at no cost to you whatsoever. See the difference clean, chemical-free water can make in your home.

901 North Grandview Boulevard
Waukesha, WI 53188-2845(262) 549-7733
(800) 207-DOCS

Hours:

Monday – Friday
8am – 5pm
Weekends and Evenings by Appointment
“We make house calls”

* * *

Thanks for visiting …

The next blog post will return on Wednesday 12/21

Snack Pack Heaven And Hell

Guilty.

I admit it.

I’m a crunchoholic.

Constantly seeking crisp cookies and crackers.

I’d “munch” more prefer touring a dingy Nabisco Warehouse than Willie Wonka’s Candy Factory.

I’d never be brave enough to hijack an airplane but if you’re hauling Nabisco products over the road, better not leave your rig keys in the ignition at truck stop potty breaks.

Addicted!

That’s why I love and hate the new Nabisco 100 Calorie Packs.

Look at these delicious devils:

Yes Yes Yes!

Way better than eating a whole box.

No No No!

Can’t stop opening and eating these conveniently proportioned snacks!

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Each “98.5 laps” blog entry also features
wellness success stories and key resources
located throughout Waukesha County and southeast Wisconsin:

* * *

The Steaming Cup

Where drink and food easily surpass your every expectation

340 W Main St Waukesha, WI 53186

(262)522-3605

Located in the heart of historic downtown Waukesha, The Steaming Cup is a local hot spot. Start your morning off right with a steaming cup of coffee, or one of our many specialty espresso drinks, or try one of our fabulous teas – we have over 120 kinds to choose from. Grab a fresh scone or muffin from the bakery case, or order a breakfast sandwich and you are ready for the day!

On any day, stop in for lunch or dinner and choose from our wide variety of specialty sandwiches, fresh salads and soup – and don’t forget about dessert! Our deli case contains many mouth watering temptations from which to choose.  Take a look at our tea shelves and ask to see our tea list.  There are more than 120 choices – have you tried them all yet?

* * *

Thanks for visiting …

The next blog post will return on Wednesday 12/14

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